All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
