I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
