There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
