She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
