I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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