32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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