She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
