Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Blood and glitter go together right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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