I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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