we have officially lost it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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