You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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