What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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