how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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