I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
