ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
