she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can Purell be used as lube?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
