So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
