a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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