I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
