I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
