Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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