you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
being pregnant is like rehab
whose ass print is on the piano?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
