consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
