I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
