Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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