it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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