Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
