If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
