I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
