i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
