He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
