My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
