dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
