after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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