I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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