my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
