just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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