So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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