I hate all girls vehemently.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
