Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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