So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
