Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
