my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
