I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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