my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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