That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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