Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
