the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
