My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
