i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
