If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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