dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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