At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
