11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
