I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
